Fighting with husband over baby names?

  • By: Sandra
  • Date: March 18, 2022
  • Time to read: 6 min.

There’s nothing like pregnancy to bring you and your partner or husband closer together….

But that closeness can be more than damaged if the two of you can’t agree on your baby’s name.

Fighting with your husband or partner over your baby’s name

As new parents, we all know how difficult it can be to name your baby.

Will your baby’s name suit them as they grow? Or will your child be bullied as a kid over the name you create?

Should you opt for a traditional baby name – or baby names that are little more cool, fun and funky?

Another question

It’s a minefield.

While it can be bad enough trying to choose baby names for your baby, things only become ten times worse when you and your other half can’t agree on anything!

(The situation can be exacerbated by the fact that, in the States, birth certificate and naming rules are not centralised and, as such, will vary from state to state. There are also individual state regulations with regard to specific rules, such as in some states names can’t be longer than 40 characters, to other states where there are no rules at all!) If you’re not sure how long do you have to name a baby, our guide might help!

The minefield grows……

Common areas of disagreement

We’ve already mentioned about traditional and modern names and, indeed, this can be one of the most common ongoing battle grounds when it comes to naming your baby.

Whether you like it or not, some people simply prefer good, old-fashioned traditional names – particularly if it’s one that’s been in their family for generations. You may, for example, have a partner or husband whose family has adopted the ‘first son named after father’ tradition: a family tradition, which is particularly popular in rural families. What happens if you have a negative association with the family members your partner wants to name your children after?

Alternatively, you may find that you or your partner likes a particular name that you link with someone in your past (or present, for that matter!), with whom you either didn’t get on or simply didn’t like. They might even want a star wars name for their baby boy (George Lucas isn’t that bad, it’s better than Skywalker or Obi…). You certainly won’t want that name ringing out around the house ten or twenty times a day!

Ending the baby-naming war – Our Best Tips

So, how do you ensure that you and your partner or husband remain on the ‘same team’ when it comes to naming your darling newborn or even future children and you don’t divorce over naming rights. It’s vital as expectant parents you get on the same page. But relax, most parents have heated discussions over this!

Well, perhaps unsurprisingly, the key words in this issue are ‘compromise’ and ‘communication’. 

Communication over Baby Names

It probably goes without saying, but it’s probably a good idea to have a few names in mind before baby comes along, if not the definitive boy name and girl name. This will mean that you and your other half will have discussed the names that you like and don’t like in a calm, rational manner before your lives are hit with the tsunami of a new baby, sleepless nights, new routines and, in your case, potentially raging hormones! (This is especially true if it’s your first baby….)

There’s no doubt that when people feel that someone is listening to them, tensions will ease and it becomes simpler to reach compromises. 

Create a list of ‘yes’ and ‘no’ names and always make sure you try them out with baby’s surname and this can make a definite difference to how well – or how badly – your baby’s name will sound all together, including the middle name.

When you’re discussing the issue, try and take time to listen to each other and your reasons for liking/not liking certain names for your son or daughter. Try not to involve close friends, but do try and reach common ground.

Make you and your partner or husband to make a decision without others getting involved! Be polite but diplomatic.) If you have your heart set on a name but your partner hates it, move on. Accept their opinion. Your little one won’t thank you if your partner can’t stand their baby name!

Go Buy the Baby Name Book

There are plenty of baby name books on the market today so it can be a good idea to get one and then read it through together, making a list of names you like as you go. The good thing about this is that you may both come across a name or names that you either have never considered or have never even heard of and both like it. Problem solved! 

Books like this are worth their weight in gold and you might find the perfect name for your kids browsing the pages! Popular names come in and out of fashion so choose a book that lists all that will stand the test of time!

Focus on teamwork

Throughout this process, it’s vitally important that you remember that you and your partner/husband are on the same team, this is not one parent vs the other. It’s neither a competition nor a time for ‘blaming each other’. Whether you go for the list option, the baby name book option or whatever process works for you, it’s all about your love for each other and – even more importantly – your love for that gorgeous little bundle of joy….

One, two, three

This may sound a bit old fashioned but, if you’re married, then chances are baby will have daddy’s surname, so you could suggest that you choose baby’s first name and daddy can choose the middle name. Try and sell him on the fact that he will technically have chosen two of the three names for you kid….

Pull it out of the hat!

OK, so this may sound a little puerile, but if you’re really stuck, you could just go for the ‘let fate decide’ option. By doing this, you may find that both you and your partner or husband are able to remove yourselves entirely from the process and leave your new arrival’s name up to fate!

The process is simple. 

Just make a list of your top choices….

If you only have two names to play with, then flip a coin or, even better, get someone else to flip it (then you can’t be accused of bias). Whichever side the coin falls, hey presto…..

Alternatively, if you have more than two names to choose from, then write them on a piece of paper, pop them into a hat or paper bag and get someone familiar to draw a name out…..

Choosing Baby Names x
Choosing Baby Names

Problem solved!

But remember……

Always keep in mind that if you can’t initially decide on a name, it doesn’t mean that your relationship in doomed and you’ll have to part – or that your baby will be ‘Baby nameless’ for life!  Keep talking, keep the suggestions coming and have fun with dad in bringing your new bundle of joy into this world.

If you’re not getting anywhere, try and resist the urge to force a decision….the issue will resolve itself. There is no point, sometimes just stand back and relax and you might surprise yourself

Keep a sense of perspective and try some of the options above. Whoever does get the final say in what to name your child, remember you are both parents for life and I’m sure in time you will both love the beautiful name you have chosen. If not, you can also choose the nickname.

With our suggested options, you may find that it’s easier than you think…..